I have a tendency to over react or quickly react to situations as they arise. I can honestly say, I've gotten a lot better by not doing so over the past few months, but I'm still a work in progress. Thankfully, my Lord and heavenly father knows this and is helping me to react less more and more. It took me a long while to realize I was reacting this way and he grabbed my attention...
I'm a planner at heart. I can't function if I don't plan my day out. I can plan the heck of anything or everything; and have issues when things didn't go according to my plan. I even planned my life before I had a chance to live it; getting married by a certain age, having children, buying my first house, getting my education and buying my car and the list can go on and on. As I was busy planning I forgot to do one essential thing or better yet I thought I knew better, I didn't seriously pray about my plans. Yes, I prayed, but if God took too long doing what I thought he should do, I was quick to react and do it my way.
Last summer, I'm not sure who was more fed up with my quickness, him or me, either way I was placed in a situation to get my attention. As I went through this, my foundation was shaken to its core. As, I've stated in a previous post, my days were filled with autonomy and my nights were mainly sleepless. The more I tried to survive on my own, the more I sank. I did my best to save face at all cost, because I didn't want to have to talk about it. He knew better than I and placed angels in my life to offer me love, encouragement and support. One angel who has been in my life since she was born, kept asking me if I was alright. It was at that moment I knew I had to get myself together; if not for me, then for her.
So, I began to pray and give all my anxiety and worries over to him. As I prayed, I relied on him for his wisdom in finding a therapist. I was blessed to find one and she helped me work through my issues in a non judgmental way. I began to start my days with daily devotions and asking for his guidance throughout my day. I repeatedly asked for forgiveness of all my sins and asked for his help and guidance to discontinue these acts. He began to minister to me in ways I hadn't previously paid attention to. I attended church more frequently and I'm so glad I did, for it was at church I had an epiphany. The pastor was preaching about unshakable faith and as I sat and listened the more it dawned on me that my faith had been shaken. With a tear stained face, I continued to listen and vowed to renew my faith in my savior. I wanted to have unshakable faith, faith in things unseen. My faith continues to grow stronger and more faithful everyday.
Now that I look back on that experience of my life, it's easier to do so. Time has passed and I've had time to mend, heal. I've also had time to reflect on my actions and take responsibility for them. I'm continuing to pray daily, be guided by him and rely on him for he is the ultimate planner of my life. Most importantly, I've learned valuable lessons, life is more livable and joy filled with his guidance. I will also say this, I'm not naive to think my life will be attack free. I know they will continue to happen, but I also know it's for his purpose and plan!
Sincerely,
DWIC2S
